seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
