I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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