and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
