happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
where does the pee come out of this thing
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
