Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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