i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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