Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
