Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
