The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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