There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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