That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
