Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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