Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
