dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
