College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
