i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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