My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
