do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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