I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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