So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
