did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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