At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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