she was so not down for the gang bang
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
