Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
