so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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