I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
