Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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