She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
