LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
