Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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