considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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