I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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