Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
