I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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