i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
