Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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