There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
