I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
