If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
