We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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