You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
