I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
