Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
