It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
