oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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