she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
