Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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