Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
