If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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