Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
