Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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