I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
