I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
