Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
