my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
