its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
