I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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