I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize