I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
