why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
