I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize