I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
