things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
