So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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