He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
