he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I could fuck to npr.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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