He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
