i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He called his prostate his "boner button".
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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