saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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