Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
