haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
