girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
