Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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