I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
