You just made me feel so damn special
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
