Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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