Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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