i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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