Taylor Swift is so right about you.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
