I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
