it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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