spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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