Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
