I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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