you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
