I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
