I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
