you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
