dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
