I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
