if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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