i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
